Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
