Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
