she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
