Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
