I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
