Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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