will power is for people who don't want to get laid
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
