Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
