Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Randomize
