you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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