The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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