I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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