I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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