She went from zero to smokin in five shots
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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