we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
