what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
babies were throwing up all over the place
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
