why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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