well I can't set my house on fire every night
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
