Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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