Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
