Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize