Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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