He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
