Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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