I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
