do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
