he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
