Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize