I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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