Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
