did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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