i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
