yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
