ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
