So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
