There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize