you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
