Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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