i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
