At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize