ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
