Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
