Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
