I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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