my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Terrible idea I love it
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
