Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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