you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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