Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize