So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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