You're a womanizer and a bitch.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
