it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
