I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
