I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
