NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
