he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
