omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
