Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Are we still banned from the library?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
