I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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