I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
