did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
