Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize