Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
