went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
We don't watch enough power rangers
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize