Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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