Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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