it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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