shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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