Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
