am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
