I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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