I look better un-naked...
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
