i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
