You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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