i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
