I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Four minutes until I can fart!
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
