They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
We had sex on a dog bed..
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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