just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
