Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
