You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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