You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
