i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
