Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
