They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize