just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
