dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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