Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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