I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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