We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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