I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
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