we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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