I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
