i permit you to call me
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
