She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
