using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
