All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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