So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize