giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
