hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
