My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
