This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
