I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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