Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
