remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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