After last night, I could never be a politician.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
