PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
